The Engagement 

What I always wanted to be was a mom. So much so that when I was in a bad relationship with a guy (who I’d split up with twice over an 18 month period of time) asked me to marry him, I said, “Seriously?” He said that he was serious and I instantly saw two things: 1) I’m going to be a bride and 2) I’m going to be a MOM!
In about 10 months, I planned the most beautiful wedding! A number of times in there, I stopped and said to myself- I cannot believe I’m marrying him- and we said that to each other a few times too. We both knew better, but when the crap hit the fan about 2 weeks before the wedding and we knew we shouldn’t get married,  he said, “… but look at this pile of gifts! We pretty much have to do it now!” And we did.

But we knew.

Before we were married, perhaps even before being engaged, we had a huge fight. I don’t even remember what it was about. What I do remember, though, is getting shoved into a low bookcase that was against the wall. The top corner of the shelf was just the right height to hit me about kidney level and I collapsed to the floor and choked out a couple handfuls of blood. I heard the door of my apartment slam.

It took me a few minutes to crawl to the bathroom, where I turned on the shower and lied down in the tub and just cried my eyes out. I’m pretty sure we broke up the next day.

This is one of the pivotal moments in my life I look back on and think omGOSH you are an absolute freaking IDIOT!! Why I would even consider getting back together with such a person within a week of that incident- I was still walking with a lot of soreness- is just the stupidest thing I could imagine!

But… I did.

We knew it was a dumb idea. He was no joke the absolute most annoying person I had ever known. I wasn’t even an easily irritable person before knowing him, but there I was- completely exasperated by his antics- fidgets, noises, and every word out of his mouth from The Simpsons, which I thought was about one of the dumbest things ever.

After about 4 months of being back together, he was on a trip for work. He called me after being away about 2 weeks- with another 4 or 6 weeks away to go before he was back home- and broke up with me over the phone.

Though I was disappointed, having had a couple weeks of not dealing with the tense relationship had been a relief. I had been working a a summer job I had picked up (mostly to fill up my time so I didn’t miss him- lol) and was liking it a lot.

A week or two after the break up, I was asked out by someone at work- my roommate, who also worked there liked and admired this guy a lot and encouraged me to go for it- even if just to hang out as friends- so I did. It was great. I liked him.

He was the first single dad I had dated. It was both awesome and not-so-awesome. I loved kids and his were great- 5-year-old twin boys. Adorable. Drawback- I really wanted to end up with someone who I could share the joys of new parenthood with and if it went anywhere with this guy (which after a month or so, it seemed possible), we wouldn’t have that together.

Well when my old boyfriend got wind I was seeing someone else, he started to make an appearance in my life again. At work- both of my jobs- and my apartment. He would be so sweet and declare his love for me. Of course, it made me feel awesome to be so wanted. He wanted time with me and assured me his time away had changed him and knowing that I could be with someone else tore him up.

He asked that I stop seeing the other guy. I didn’t want to; he was awesome and we had a greet time together. However, after a couple months, I was swayed and broke it off with that guy from my part time job. He was the general manager, so I thought it best to quit working there.

Within 2 months, that proposal came.”Seriously?” I will never forget that response.

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