The Willies

You know what ‘the willies’ are! That creepy-crawly feeling you get. Maybe you even get a gag-type feeling. Your skin may crawl. Omgosh! Just writing that gives me the willies! LOL

Here’s what Urban Dictionary says about the willies:

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Did you know there’s A MOVIE called The Willies? Ya… me either.

Must’ve been quite a blockbuster!

A week or so, we saw an ant or two in the kitchen! Ugh!  For people who don’t typically have food on the counter, seeing an ant is NEVER good. It came from somewhere and he is not alone! Time to glove-up and do a full cleaning. (I hate cleaning, btw. Back before children, cleaning was my favorite way to spend a Saturday morning– from the time the sun came up, but since I’ve had kids… ummmmmm different story.) Start with the obvious… where sandwiches are made is scrubbed, as is the sink, and area around the stove. Oh… and check the composting bin under the sink. Is the lid on tight? Any cracks? Yep and nope. We’re good. No more ants.

antYet… the willies. From the moment I first saw that ant, my skin will itch (out of nowhere)– like something is crawling on me. Not just a random something, though… a damn ant! I feel like a drug user must feel with having to itch and even hallucinate that there’s a colony of ants crawling on me. I understand that the hair on my body moves and that’s actually what I’m feeling most of the time I think it’s ants (have you ever heard of a medical ailment for that perception? I had no idea there was one! It’s called Morgellons Disease… yet still… knowing intellectually that there’s nothing on me, I cannot stop the sensation (NO! I can’t fight this feeling anymore- I love you, REO Speedwagon)… the willies.

Disgusting. If I lose a dang TOOTH over this (an actual symptom of Morgellons Disease), I’m going to be PISSED!

Couple more days go by and we’re still seeing ants. I usually take two showers a day one before work and then one after exercise. I’m clean, yet I have this need to take a shower all of the time now because of these freakin’ ants!

This morning, I was making pancakes for my family (regular pancake mix with AdvoCare chocolate protein powder with coconut oil to make the edges crispy). I went to the sink to rinse out the mixing cup and to get a damp paper towel to wipe up my mess and I felt an ant! Felt it AND SAW it! Ugh! KILL! (For some reason the scene of Peter, Michael Bolton, and Samir with the fax machine in the field comes to mind– the song anyway- I try not to swear too much on my blog, but DIE MF DIE MF DIEEEEE!! You know what I’m talkin’ ’bout… ooooh!) Then another ant on the other arm. Then one on my tank top. I’m freaking OUT… ugh… the willies.

Here are some other things that give me the willies:

Snakes– I’ve already written about a recent powerful experience with snakes. I hate them. They hate me. There is no such thing as ‘just a _____ snake,’ and if you say that to me, we’re no longer friends. LOL  (Had to stop and scratch my head there. Sorry ’bout that… I’m back.) Snakes just want to kill me… plain and simple. I about died when my neighbor posted a photo of herself and her two sons who went on a hike in the hills outside our back yard and captioned the photo: Annual Death March with my Boys (HYSTERICAL… of course, she’s referring to the snake-infested hills that we mutually despise.)

•  Anything that smells like poop. My dang dog had a green bean stringer yesterday and I swear I thought I was going to THROW up. It’ll be gross and graphic, but I think poop definitely justifies a future blog post. Sorry, but it’s happening.

• Spiders- yes… another crawly thing. Hate ’em hate ’em hate ’em! 125273-screaming-woman-meme-funny-Img-Cyzb.jpeg

• Vomit– I swear to you, my skin crawls and I have to THROW UP when I see/smell or even hear about someone throwing up! Look for a funny future blog post about vomit and being a mom.

• Head Lice- not even necessarily the actual creature, but just the words. I’m a teacher. I love my students. I give hugs. It’s WHO I am! My first year in the classroom, I got freaking head lice 3 times! I passed it along to my boyfriend at the time too. His roommate got it too! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! I KNOW I had that Morgellon’s Disease THAT year! I have a student this year who (a couple of weeks ago) got his 5th… yes FIFTH… case of head lice this year (had to itch there again for a second)! How much of this crap is psychological?

Last night, my family was getting some items from our garden- greens like kale, spinach, green & red leaf lettuce and some broccoli and carrots. We’ve been seeing some ants on the greens, so a friend suggested putting cinnamon on the soil near those plants, which my daughter did a few days ago. There were definitely fewer, but we did see a few ants. Wuhhhhh-lilies! 

We got the ants off of everything and enjoyed our dindin! An hour or so later, I was painting my 14-year-old daughter’s nails. She was staring at my hair and asked me a couple times,  “What is that?”  I shrugged her off because both her (and my) nails were wet. I said, “What is it?” and she said it looked like a leaf or something. I ignored it.

As we were sitting chatting, she continued to stare at my hair and finally says, “I can’t stand it any longer!” and she reached and grabbed something out of my hair. She set “IT” on the table and within 5 seconds screamed, “AHHHHH IT’S MOVING!” I instantly saw a little centimeter-long yellowish larvae-type thingy move and threw up in my mouth a little. I froze and called my husband from the other room. 

Thankfully, the alarm in my voice got him to drop what he was doing right away. He came and agreed to weave through my hair section by section with his hands. Thank goodness he didn’t see any other barf-bringers, but I’ve got serious Morgellons symptoms going on! CONSTANTLY! 

I need to take a shower (and sorry… but you probably do too)!


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